Like most parents, I spend an inordinate amount of time watching children's shows. Many of them frankly, suck. Below is my list of the world's most annoying kid's shows. Disclosure: we watch primarily Nick Jr., and I assume that children's shows in Burkina Faso or somewhere are probably pretty bad too, but I haven't seen them.
Behold, my list, in descending order of suckiness (#1 being most sucky):
1. Max and Ruby
Where to begin? Max and Ruby are rabbit siblings with no parents in sight, yet have a grandma. What drives me most crazy about this show is the reinforcement of really terrible gender roles- Max is the irascible little brother, always doing something to mess up Ruby’s day. Meanwhile, Ruby is an inflexible, nagging perfectionist. In the real world this would be a melodrama about two orphans making it on their own and the brother eventually killing his sister because he just can't take it anymore, but in cartoon-land it is the world’s most annoying show. To cap it off, I know many mothers whose kids have adopted Max’s extremely annoying one-word vocabulary. The kid doesn’t say please or thank you, or speak in anything resembling a sentence- “milk!”, “airplane!”, “truck!”. It would be okay if he’d just say “bitch!” once in reference to his sister. Did I just type that? Bad Siobhan!
2. The Upside Down Show
I don’t even know what this show is. There’s a reason it is on at 11:00pm on Nick Jr., and that is to appeal to stoner college kids. Another export from Australia, Land of the Wiggles, there are two brothers who talk funny and act kind of dumb so your kids feel smart. Sometimes there’s a puppet. I shouldn’t write anymore because I have only watched about 3 minutes of this show total, it is all I can take.
3. Toot and Puddle
Toot and Puddle is actually rather endearing- one of the friends travels the world and writes back to the other one about his adventures and sometimes they go together. I can’t tell which is Toot and which is Puddle, which is why I am being vague about their individual responsibilities. My issue with the show is that I am fairly certain that Toot and Puddle are porcine life partners, and I while I support gay marriage in all its forms I think the show should just come out and say it. Plus little Opal (girl pig and cousin of Toot) clearly has a massive crush on Puddle and I can just see “Opal- The Teenage Years” coming to Nick at Nite soon, where she dyes her hair black and plays lots of Tori Amos after he finally comes out of the closet. Just not fair to poor little Opal.
4. Franklin
My problem with this show can be summed up quite succinctly: Why is Franklin the only one with a name? Is he a racist turtle and so all the Owls and Bears and Beavers look alike to him and so he doesn’t bother? I do like the show’s messages of responsibility and dealing with complex emotions, but man does the name thing bug me.
5. Caillou
Weird kid with no hair does sort of strange things while being overly excited about them. Surprised that this show is Canadian? Me neither.
Coming Tomorrow: My Favorite Childrens' Shows!
